


Latent

by Atticwright



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Memory Loss, Mentioned Killian/Carey, Minor Barry Bluejeans/Lup, One Shot, POV Second Person, Post-Canon, Rated Teen for typical language, Taakitz wedding, Taako has complicated feelings about Lucretia, spoilers for the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 19:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13794930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atticwright/pseuds/Atticwright
Summary: "Do you ever have memory problems?"Your brother-in-law nods. Almost emphatically. His mouth is pressed into a tight line."Yeah. A lot, actually." He cracks the cap off a bottle of cider for you. Then he opens his own beer. You're sitting on the back porch of his house and watching the sun set over the woods. Your sister is off collecting wayward souls but should be home for dessert.There's a long, quiet moment during which you both take a drink. Then you ask, "Do you ever forget about Lup?"





	Latent

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I wanted to say *Lucretia Did Nothing Wrong* but: I love the headcanon that the crew have residual memory loss problems because it just hurts so good.

You're out with your boyfriend at the afternoon market. He's wearing the light knit sweater you picked out for him and holding a fresh-cut bouquet of daffodils. You already have big plans for them (i.e., the most ideal spot on your dining room table, right where the sun beams through the window every morning at 8). Hanging from your arm is a canvas bag filled with potatoes and carrots and red onions and sprigs of sage and they are going to make the best stew.

You're both walking down a picturesque road lined with scattered cherry blossoms. "Do you think you want to catch an afternoon show? We could probably make it to the theater if we drop the groceries off now," your boyfriend asks.

"Hold on a sec, what time is it?" you say, pulling out your pocket watch to check it. You glance up at the sky. The sky is the purest blue, almost a jewel-tone, and you can see both moons faintly gleaming.

"No, I don't think I've got time today, unfortunately. We've got a combat training sesh at the moonbase at 6 and I've already missed too many. Director's gonna be on my ass if I'm late for this one. Wish I could, babe." Your gaze swings from the moon to his face, and you're pulling a cute, pouty expression in anticipation of his disappointment. But he doesn't look bummed, or understanding, or anything in the gamut of what you might expect. He's got that blank sort of look someone might wear when they don't want to risk the awkwardness of asking you to repeat something they didn't quite hear. A look that's very neutral but measured.

You continue walking in silence for a few seconds. Why hasn't he reacted? Was he really that put off when you declined? It's work. Kravitz, more than anyone you know, understands that sometimes work comes first.

"Honey," he says, and his voice is very soft. "Are you... Do you think you might be forgetting anything?"

You do a rapid mental checklist of any appointments, birthdays, etc. "What? Forgetting what?"

He stops walking and turns to you, tucking the flowers into the crook of his elbow. He takes your hands and looks into your eyes. Very gently he asks, "Taako... Do you remember your sister? Do you remember Lup?"

You do remember. You remember _now_.

\--

"Do you ever have memory problems?"

Your brother-in-law nods. Almost emphatically. His mouth is pressed into a tight line.

"Yeah. A lot, actually." He cracks the cap off a bottle of cider for you. Then he opens his own beer. You're sitting on the back porch of his house and watching the sun set over the woods. Your sister is off collecting wayward souls but should be home for dessert.

There's a long, quiet moment during which you both take a drink. Then you ask, "Do you ever forget about Lup?"

He nods again, smaller. Another silence as he gathers up his words in his head. You can practically see it happening, in the way his brow wrinkles. "A few months ago, I woke up in the night. It was dark, I couldn't tell where I was. I thought the Hunger was almost here and I hadn't done anything about it. Like I was still in the cave, and I had to get you guys back, and I had to find Lup, and we were almost out of time..." His eyes are wide, reliving it, until he blinks and shakes his head a little. "But then Lup was in bed next to me and I remembered. And that's the worst part, right? When you've forgotten, you don't realize it, but when you remember, it just devastates you, doesn't it?"

He nailed it, you think. It's the remembering that hits you like a train. "Yeah."

"Does it happen much for you? I've kind of wondered how it is for you boys. Or Cap'n. I did a lot more repeated remembering and forgetting, I sort of anticipate more of the Swiss cheese brain than I think you would. But I don't know."

You shrug and the muscles in your shoulders feel tight. "They're few and far between for me, but they kinda rock my world when they happen. It fucks you up a little to realize that for a few minutes you were just going about your life like your only sister doesn't exist." You don't realize your tone has taken on a bitter edge until you hear it coming out of your mouth. Maybe another drink of the cider will dull it. Or maybe you actually don't care.

Good ol' Barry doesn't react. It's been a long time since he stopped finding you intimidating. If there's one thing in life you treasure, it's people who put up with your shit.

"For me it's mostly just...facts," he says. "Old stuff. I forgot the name of the Starblaster the other day. Magnus's birthday. Sometimes I don't know I can play piano until it comes up. Lup's been really patient with reminding me about things."

"She doesn't have to deal with any of this memory stuff does she?" you say, more of a realization than a question. "She wasn't in her body when we all got wiped. Or when we remembered."

He shakes his head.

You look up at the moons. It's easy to fall into silences with Barry, and usually it's comfortable. But you don't feel it now. Now you're brimming with a tension that's been slowly building for the duration of this conversation and you think you're about to spill over. _Adios_ , you say to whatever facade of peace you've maintained, and you take a long, bitter swig of your drink and let yourself tumble.

"I don't get how you can just talk to her like it never fucking happened."

You're not referring to your sister. Barry recognizes this immediately.

He set his bottle down on the porch. "It's not easy."

You don't mean to sound so accusatory but- you do. "So it's just bygones because everybody got a happy ending, is that it?"

"I haven't-" He cuts himself off because he's noticed he's raised his voice. "I haven't just...forgiven her. Ok? We're civil because Lup has asked me to be. " You can tell he's choosing his words to placate you. You appreciate the effort. But you need to know if he's still sore too. Oftentimes you feel so alone in your rage.

"I just get sick of everyone asking me to be _nice_. It makes me feel like I'm fucking insane. Am I insane?" You have raised your voice and you do not care. "I'm just confused because I feel like it's okay to be a little upset when someone you trusted to have your back for a hundred years betrays you."

"No, you're right, that's fine for you to feel that way. That's fine."

"Thank you."

"I think... I think that she's genuine in wanting to try and make up for it. It doesn't mean that what she did didn't hurt us. It's probably going to take the rest of her life and she knows that," he offers.

You're a little slumped down in your chair now and you notice that crickets have started up their evening chorus. The air is starting to chill. The moons hang over you.

"But she and Lup are best pals again like it's no biggie. And Lup doesn't have to deal with the brain stuff but she still went through her own version of hell for ten years," you say.

Your brother-in-law sighs a little. "Well... Lup is a very loyal person."

"I know," you say. "I admire it and I also kind of hate it at the same time."

He lifts his eyebrows in an expression of agreement as he picks up his drink again and finishes it.

Slowly he says, "I've been working on... trying to appreciate the worth of intentions."

You wait for him to continue as you stare across the tall brown grass.

"Lup always tries to tell me about how Lucretia's intentions were to save us all and how in her own mind, she did it out of love. And that's how Lup lives with it. And it's much harder for me to look past the things that she _did_... But I'm trying to look at her intentions instead. I want to be able to be at peace like Lup is. I miss being Lucretia's friend. So I'm trying. And that's all I can do."

There's some finality in the way he says it. You think that means the conversation is probably over for the night. You're okay with that.

\---

You and your boyfriend are getting married. It's perfect, except everything about getting married is an absolute nightmare. Normal people get stressed out by wedding planning. You are not normal people. You are the savior of the multiverse which means that literally every person alive has at least a minimally-vested interest in how your wedding plays out. You've had panic attacks about the damage that could be done to your brand if one thing goes badly. You've had panic attacks about having panic attacks because it has become impossible to appear that you are in control. You've considered calling it off.

One day, while wiping tears from your cheeks, your fiancé gives you the most perfect gift- he asks you if you'd like to have a secret wedding. Just your closest friends and family, no announcements, no outside catering or music, no clues for the press. He even suggests releasing pictures to the public after the fact and what a cute publicity stunt it would be. He knows you so well it makes your heart sing.

The plan is to invite everyone to a big family dinner hosted in your home, and then when everyone is settled, make the big reveal- _"Surprise, it's our fucking wedding!"_ \- and begin the ceremony. You dramatically throw the multi-page guest list in the trash bin and sit down at the kitchen table to write the new, VIP version.

The essentials, right? So that's the fam. Lup and Barry and Magnus and Merle and Davenport and-

You pause. You resume.

-Angus and Killian and Carey and Avi and Ren and-

No.

-Merle's kids and Magnus's dog and-

You put down the pen.

No. You have no business feeling conflicted about this. This is _your_ wedding, your _only_ wedding. You invite whoever the fuck you want.

You sit back in your chair and cross your arms. You need a few minutes to treat yourself to some well-deserved pouting. The piece of paper with its list of names waits for you on the table.

_This is your only wedding._

\---

You call Magnus. Dogs are barking in the background. There's always a dog.

"What's up?" he asks, extra cheer in his voice when he hears that it's you. Your respective businesses keep you so busy that you don't get together much these days. You always forget how nice it is to connect again. It's a habit to put on an air of aloofness when you initiate contact but Magnus has known you long enough to know it's fake. He knows that you know that he knows it's fake. It's an unspoken thing you have.

"Hey, I'm having a big dinner thing and you should come to it."

"Oh yeah? Neat!"

"This is mandatory, okay? No rescheduling. Cap'nport's gonna be in town and Merle's in the off-season with his camp thing so I gotta get everybody together while I can. It's gonna be at our place at 7 on the 14th of next month, you got it? Write it down, buddy."

"7 o'clock! On the 14th! Of next month! Got it. Can I bring-"

"You can bring _one_ dog."

"Cool."

"Hey uh, Magnus?"

"Yeah?"

You cast a furtive glance around your own office in your own house, as if someone is gonna pop out from behind the bookcase and yell _"Gotcha!"_

"...Can you tell Lucretia she can come."

There's a short pause. "Yeah, for sure." He's trying very courteously to suppress the pleased surprise in his voice but you can still hear it.

"And don't let her play the fucking martyr and refuse, okay? Tell her in no uncertain terms that this is the only olive branch I am ever extending and she should fucking take it."

"I will do that," he says.

"I'd ask Lup to do it but she'd be so fucking smug about it and I just can't- you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"Thanks."

\---

You prepare a 4-course arrangement of your and Kravitz's favorite foods, with your own hands. You purchase enough champagne for 12 adults to drink. You bake a simple but beautiful cake, and maybe it's a little too big but you'll give everyone leftovers to take home. You're getting married today.

Everyone comes.

All of you are gathered in your seats around the big dining room table and the moment arrives and you make the big announcement- and it's not so much a dramatic proclamation as it is a giddy shriek as you bounce into Kravitz's lap- but you're surrounded by the most important people in your world and they are all so, so happy for you.

You and Kravitz had deliberated for a long time over the potential disaster that could come with springing the job of officiant on Merle moments before the ceremony was to happen. In the end you decided that if anyone else did it, Merle would definitely spend the next decade being insulted that he wasn't asked, and if the point of all this was to minimize stress, then yes, forcing Merle to improvise a wedding ceremony on the fly would actually be the better option. Somehow.

He does it, of course. He makes a big show of not being prepared and how he needs time to write something and how he doesn't have his clerical vestements- but you can tell by the twinkling in his eyes that he couldn't be more flattered. Kravitz's only stipulation is that he keep the Pannite stuff to a minimum- the Raven Queen doesn't have any marriage rituals to observe but he doesn't want to accidentally step on any toes. It's important to stay on-brand. You can agree with that wholeheartedly.

The ceremony is clumsy and jokey and there's a lot of heart. And if your family has a brand, that's probably it.

Then you bring out the cake and open the bottles. You've got a piano and a violin in the house, imagine that? Barry and Lup are thoroughly entertained by this sudden development and agree to be the band for the reception. And the kids run around with the dog and drop cake on the carpet and Davenport drinks a little too much and starts telling rambling stories and you look your husband in his soft, warm eyes, and think that this is the best way this could have gone.

She doesn't try speak to you the entire night. And that's good, you decide. You don't have the emotional energy left to leap through those social hoops. She hangs back with the others when they're not stealing a moment with you, laughing with them, sipping champagne, looking so goddamn happy to be here.

The reception is in full swing and you're making your rounds. Kravitz is off chatting with Lup. You find yourself catching up with Killian and Carey, and Killian is relaying a story from their own wedding, and at one point you glance over her shoulder. Across the room you see Lucretia, and she is sitting next to Magnus and petting his dog. And she meets your eyes. She smiles at you.

And for a moment you forget.

And you smile back.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've written in many many years so I would love to hear your thoughts! It will help me decide whether to write some more. Thanks for reading!


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